AIRPORTS and the 'love-bombing' that inspired "LOSER"
Aaron Lee, aka the multi-faceted “DIY ALT-POP” entrepreneur who goes by AIRPORTS made us miss the pre-covid days more than ever with his recent single ‘Party All The Time’ featuring R I L E Y.
He’s back again with yet another dynamic “bop” influenced by his pop-punk roots with a modern electro-pop flare, this time dipping into his “ever evolving” sarcastic social perspective to deliver us a track about the “love bombing stage” of a “hollow relationship”. Think about the moment of realisation in your gut when you finally see your relationship from the outside perspective. “LOSER” embodies the giving side of a one-sided relationship that left Aaron feeling “enticed” while simultaneously disappointed. We sat down with Aaron to dive in a little deeper.
Ash: “LOSER” sounds like an upbeat, fun take on a toxic relationship, and you noted that it’s about the “love bombing stage”? Talk me through this.
Aaron: The love bombing stage is actually an early part of a quite dark and common thing called Narcissistic Abuse. Narcissistic abuse is a very real and researched form of abuse. It’s when a new partner who suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder abnormally goes above & beyond to make you feel like you’re “the only one” and cuts you off from others, which reinforces their extreme dependency on you and potential to gain from hidden motives. You then become their “supplier” (of emotional stability as they are not actually stable underneath their guise).
After they lift you up with the love bombing stage they begin to tear you down with gaslighting, manipulation, undermining and threats if you were to attempt to leave them. The love bombing prior establishes an emotional dependency & ransom which makes it hard to walk away from them. They cannot handle their supplier walking away so they keep you trapped in a cycle of love bombing and further abuse. This is psychological abuse and more people experience it than we notice as it is often only behind closed doors, the ‘supplier’ (victim) is often cut off from healthy relationships during the love bombing process.
According to the Ananias Foundation, 48.8% of men have experienced one form of psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their life. However, there’s still stigmatic energy around men experiencing abuse by their partners, and it can be more than difficult to speak up on the topic. Did this in any way affect the writing or release process for “LOSER”?
Narcissistic, physiological abuse is something that is quite low-key to anyone but the victim, unless another first hand experiences it also or picks up on traits from the same narcissist. As a male I can say it is entirely possible (and common) to receive extremely harmful narcissistic abuse from a female (and of course, vice versa) however there is a stigma around male mental health & behaviour on these topics which seems to give female narcissists an upper hand in their public guise. Abuse isn’t always physical, oftentimes in Narcissistic cases it is psychological and emotional which leads to many men becoming alienated, depressed & suicidal.
A public example may be the Amber Heard & Johnny Depp case.
To quote Depp: ““She bombed me with what appeared to be love.
“It was not until much later that I understood that she had an agenda, namely to get married to me in order to progress her own career and/or to benefit financially, and she knew how to bring it about.” Article here
Other song examples that I feel outline this kind of relationship would be Conan Gray’s “Checkmate” and “Maniac”.
So to answer your question - “LOSER” captures an earlier time stamp of this kind of relationship: during the dance between the narcissist and victim, but also captures the future revelation of how toxic it is. “You got me feeling like a loser, for the way I give it to you. But you love the way that I let you down - too”. This lyric says how that kind of person makes you feel (shit), but keeps enticing you to be their supplier of empathy and intimacy, then blames you for their bad behaviour or their own deeply rooted issues.
Enduring narcissistic abuse can be complicated, and recovering from it can be all kinds of complex and difficult. What helped you learn about this topic?
It started with a number of unrelated professionals in my life helping me identify physiological abuse I had experienced. After further study and support on the topic I was able to clearly identify such personality disorder/s in my abuser. Ongoing evidence through situations and behaviours only reinforced it. A massive part of overcoming these experiences is knowing you’re not crazy (because they trick you and those around you into feeling like you’re the crazy one). Education and professional support aids this freedom.
Personally, “LOSER” (although being a light hearted song) resonated with me quite deeply and I know many other listeners out there will feel similarly. If you could have a chat with the past “LOSER” in this story - what would you say to them?
Red flags? Run.
If the topics discussed in this article have resonated with you in a way that may have brought up a traumatic experience or has negatively impacted your state of mind, please consider reaching out to a friend or family member, or utilising one of the following hotline numbers.
You can stream ‘Loser’ here.
If you or someone you know needs help, contacts BEYOND BLUE at 1300 22 4636